The Mister and I met with the cancer genetics doc at my Oncology practice yesterday. Not only were they able to almost (we're waiting for one last DNA test to come back) conclusively confirm that I do, in fact, have Lynch Syndrome but, they also informed us that my sweet girl most likely inherited the gene as well. The most basic thing I gave my children is fatally flawed...and could have already killed one of them. Not to worry though...the doctor says I shouldn't feel guilty. uuuuummmmmmm, ok. I'll go ahead and do that....as long as you can prescribe cookies to cure cancer. mmmmmmmmm-kay? *grunt* In even better news...my boys each have an independent 50/50 chance of inheriting this messed up DNA as well. EXCELLENT news. Right?!? I'ma go ahead and just say it now. Watch out...Incoooooooming. What. The. Fuck? Yep. There's my attitude right now. Aint she a beaut?
In for real life I'm doing the same as I was before this bombshell was dropped. I have two boys who need me to be stable for them. They have been through HELL already and I absolutely refuse to contribute to their pain any more than I can help. I will say right now that if you see me smiling, laughing, loving, living, hoping right now...it has absolutely nothing to do with my strength or courage and absolutely everything to do with my undying love for my children (all three of them) and The Mister. It is because of them that I am functioning. PERIOD. My love for them gives me no choice but to get up and keep putting one foot in front of the other. End of story. Please don't tell me you couldn't do this, or tell me how strong I am. I'm not. I'm DONE. I'm just a mom and wife who loves her family wildly. That is all.
As if all of this isn't enough...my husband is lying in a hospital bed tonight. He had surgery today to fuse his L4 and L5 and a discectomy. He should be coming home tomorrow. I can't even begin to explain to you how terrible it was for me to see my rock lying in a hospital bed trying to be strong and unafraid for me. I never, ever want to be there again...I will be if need be...but, I truly hope it never comes to that.
In other fun news I did find some studies that showed that Lynch related cancers are resistant to the EXACT (and specifically the main drug) regimen I just started. Ugh. So, I may be putting in a call tomorrow...not so sure I'll even be continuing that therapy. I have some research and thinking to do. I will not put myself through six months to a year of that for NOTHING. No way, no how.
So...basically, I say all of that to say...Don't ask me how I'm doing right now. Mmmmmm-kay? Thanks.
PS. We MIGHT talk straight about Lynch Syndrome at a later date. For now, I'll just say that The Mister, who is super even keeled (no nautical pun intended) and deals only in reality and never borrows worry...looked like he might pass out or vomit...or both in the doctor's office when she was explaining what the next several years...and rest of my life are/could look like. Super *ugh*.